THE FIRST PARROT TEAR

by Khrista Ridgway

Suddenly, one morning, I awoke and was alone. Oh sure, the pale woman who I liked to bite was still there, and so was the man who I liked to listen to, but where was my mommy? For a while I sat in my cage, unworried. Surely my mommy would soon appear, and tell me how beautiful my long red feathers are... or my golden eyes. She would say "Oh, Blazie-bird, you're so beautiful" and "Hello pretty Blazie bird!" and then feed me the most wonderful drink, that orange yummy in the long clear dish, that I love so much. She'd pet my back and whisper about how I was her favorite, but not to tell the others.

Surely she soon would bring me some special treat in the dish reserved only for my special treats. Then she would watch me eat with a smile and ask me how it tastes. Sometimes I would even throw a little at her so that she could taste it herself, and that would only make her smile more. Surely, soon, she would come and let me out of my home to sit on the perch so I could watch her tap tap away on the white flat thing that is so much fun to walk on, and even more fun to tear apart.

I'd say "hello" and she'd say "hello" back. I'd fluff my feathers and she'd carry me upstairs for one of those blessedly warm rain showers. Surely, soon, she'd be there. But dark time came, and I was still alone. The One-to-Bite brought me a special treat, and then left, but no asking me how it tasted and no smiling. The One-to-Listen-to let me out for a moment, talked to me, then put me back. Alone. Where was my mommy?

Who was going to let me nibble on their fingers, and feed me the orange yummy? Who was going to bring me new toys and whisper how much they loved me? Where did my mommy go?! The sleep-time cover came over my house. I circled my home fitfully, but it was no use. I went to sleep, and I tried not to be sad. Surely, when morning came, I'd hear that whisper: "Oh Blaaaazze! Blazie bird!" and then I could squawk with happiness and the darkness would lift. There would be that familiar face. Surely!

But light-time came, and it was the One-to-Bite that uncovered me. No sweet whispers, no scratch behind my neck. No words of how beautiful and wonderful I am. Then I was alone again. The Small Ones that live across from me twittered happily in their home. They had each other, but who did I have? I nibbled sadly on the last toy that she gave me. Surely she'd come home.... Surely?

But many light-times and dark-times passed, and treats were brought, but never by the right person. The Small Ones who live across from me continued to chatter happily, while I became more and more sad. My toys were no longer fun, and I didn't want to eat. I still ate the special treats though. Damn them, I couldn't resist! But I didn't have to like it.

I was alone. ALONE, and sad. No one was home with me during the light-time, so I sat in silence and watched the Small Ones. The Belled One didn't even pay any attention to me! She watched the Small Ones, and slept on top of my home, but ignored me completely. Still, I did not give up hope. I kept my feathers bright and I practiced my words... the words she used to say to me. Where was my mommy? Was she ever coming home?

Then, a phantom of her whereabouts. That strange bell like sound that, try as I might, I cannot mimic quite right... a voice. Her voice!!! I scream and squawk and make the whistle noise that we always make to each other when we are separated. She makes them back! She was home! She was back! Finally! I look around, but I can't see her. Surely she'd come and pick me up soon! Surely!.... but she never did. The voice went away, and She never came...never picked me up to tell me I was beautiful. Never scratched behind my head till I closed my eyes. She never came. Where was my mommy?!

I was too sad. I didn't want to have a friend anymore. Never again! The one I liked to bite? Well I bit her more! And the one I liked to listen to? I bit him too. Soon I had to stay in my cage, like the Small Ones who bite. Only She could touch them, and I decided to adopt their ways. I didn't want to talk anymore, so I became silent. I just watched as people walked in and out of the door. They still said 'hi' to me, but I was uninspired and returned their greetings with sad silence. They were not Her. I didn't want anyone else...I was alone.

More dark-times and light-times passed, and I grew sadder still. I would not let anyone even put their fingers in my cage. I wanted everyone to stay away. No one loved me and I did not love them.

Another dark-time came, just as it always did, and I was alone in my home. The Small Ones were cuddled up together asleep, so I fell asleep too. Just another sad, lonely light-time. Just another lonely dark-time. Then, from the shadows, I heard a sound. I blinked, carefully, but I could see nothing. "Blaaaaazie..." That whisper! Could it be! Surely not. Surely not! It was never her, never.... but I heard it again! "Blaaaazie bird...."

I'm probably just dreaming. Yes, dreaming. She was gone.... gone FOREVER. And I was going to be alone for the rest of my-- "Blaaaazie!" But... but it sounds so much like her... it... it couldn't be! Could it? I dare not hope! But then, light comes, all in an instant. My head pops up. Surely!!! It's HER!!! HER!! She's BACK!!!! My little eyes pin, and I'm not even grouchy like usual when someone wakes me up. I don't believe it! I'm dreaming, SURELY!

And then she walks toward me with that special smile that's only mine. I rush to the door of my home so quickly I nearly fall, and I stand up as tall as I can. My feathers slicked back with excitement. It can't be!! But it is! It is!

As she opens the door, the One-to-Bite says to be careful, because I have become mean, but She doesn't care. I leap onto Her outstretched hand and She pulls me close to Her face. "Oh, pretty bird!" She whispers to me. "My beautiful, pretty red bird!"

I'm stunned. Just stunned. I never thought I'd see her again... but here she is. She holds me, and again I'm happy. "Hi!" I say. "Hi hi hi! How're you doing?" She laughs, and gives me that smile that only I ever get. "Oh, I love you, Blaze!" She tells me. And I am happy. Finally happy, and no longer alone. Here is my mommy, and I am in her arms, right where I am supposed to be, and finally, finally happy once more.

I know that parrots don't cry real tears but because I was so happy to see my mommy, one tiny sparkle of water ran down my face and dropped off my beak. It was not lost on Her. I knew by the look on Her face when the magic sparkle caught her eye that she would never, ever leave me again. My happy heart just knew.